Messages in a bottle: gaining wisdom

smarter mem

Over the past few months, I have been going through a metamorphosis. I even cut my hair, something I vowed to not do again.  While growth is slowly happening, it is happening. In a few short months God willing I will be 33 years old seriously and I have come to accept a few things as fact.

#1 Sometimes you have to meet people where they are
Not all of the people in your life are on the same level as you. Some of them may be ahead of you in the game or as if often the case when you come to this decision way behind you. If the person is worth continuing a relationship with, you have to accept them for who they are and K.I.M. They are who they are and chances are they won’t be changing. If it means that you deal with them for certain things so be it. Stop stressing who they are and focus on who you want to be.

#2 The grass is NOT greener on the other side
Folks always want what they don’t have because someone else has it and told them that it was grand. Only in fairytales is this true. Rather than trying to keep up with everyone else, try keeping up with yourself. One person’s version of happiness will not be yours. Your homegirl may be living on cloud nine with her picket fence and the likes whereas you may be miserable. If it meant for you to have it than God will gift it to you. Stop stressing and let God bless you in His own time in His own way.

#3 It is okay to worry about self
As the oldest child, whether on purpose or not, it was beat into me sometimes literally that I had a responsibility to look out for my younger siblings. In college, worrying about others cause me problems. It is probably one of the reasons why I am a hypochondriac self-diagnosed. I have come to accept that worrying does no one any good. Rather, when faced with a problem the best thing to do is take it to God. And if you are going to worry so much about someone else make sure that you are exuding that much worry over self too. No one is more important than you.

#4 Paying it forward is a must
“To whom much is given, much is required.” Those words should be a part of your daily mantra. While charity begins at home, it should not stop there. Charity can be as simple as giving up your seat on the train. The truth is that if everyone had the mentality to help someone else we would not see such high levels of poverty. Give a little and receive a lot.

#5 Eat, Pray, Love
The movie was excellent and should be the guide to life. Food nourishes the body. Prayer nourishes the soul. Love nourishes the heart. Together all three of these things make you a stronger person. You should try it.

#6 Actions speak louder than words
While you may not have meant anything by your actions that may not be another’s impressions. While God judges us by our intentions us mortals inly have the ability to judge our actions and those speak louder than words. It is not your intentions to make someone feel like they don’t matter…speak to them and let them know. Wars have been started because someone thought something and no communication occurred. Always think before you act. Wear that other shoe.

#7 What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger
The Almighty promised us that He wouldn’t put a burden on us greater than we can bear. Of course, it seems like our load is heavy and we can’t go on. Worry not, He will get you through whatever troublesome journey you are on. Have faith and He will see you through. Think Footprints…Through difficult times He is carrying you.

#8 Treat yourself
As women, we are trained from the womb to do for others yet we fail to do for ourselves. Make sure to make time to get that pedicure. Better yet, go for a message and let Calgon take you away in the form of fingertips. Buy a new outfit. Something pretty and flirty. There is only one of you. Make sure to take care of you.

#9 Patience is a virtue
While things may not come when you want it, they always come when you need it. Have faith that when it is your time you will get what you need. Remember that sometimes what we want is not what we need. We should always trust the Almighty to give us what is best for us.

#10 Forgiveness is for you
Forgiving someone is not the easiest thing to do but it is the best thing to do. Holding on to disappointment, hurt, anger is tiresome and toxic. Rather it is best to forgive the one who has wronged you and K.IM. Your body will appreciate it. Besides, just because you have forgiven them does not mean that you should forget. You don’t even have to continue being in their life.

It is amazing what you come to grasp as you get older. The funny thing is that a lot of it was shared with your younger self yet you refused to accept it as truth. Realizing your own truths is a part of growing up. What truths have you realized?

Thought for the day: “Wisdom does not come with age, it comes with mistakes made.” ~ Joshua Neal Harty


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Summer time offenses: What not to do ladies

Although, we have had some shaky days, the weather is getting nicer. With warmer weather comes a different wardrobe. Over the past few weeks I have seen the worst faux pas. I mean really my head is spinning at the one’s I have seen. Now I am no fashion expert but really some of the things that I have seen are just no bueno to the tenth power that even a novice such as myself should know better.

Rule #1 Please wear proper fitting underwear

Yes I said it. Grown folks are wearing smaller panties then what their big butt requires. It is not sexy to be at a stoplight digging out your wedgie. As a matter of fact it’s gross. You need to be in the corner doing that and clearly you need a bigger size. Please handle that.

Rule #2 Pantyhose are not meant to have holes

For those of you who like torturing yourselves with pantyhose during the warmer months, God bless you. I ditched mine in March. I HATE 😖 them with a passion and wouldn’t dare wear them now. But hey some of you love them. Unless they are fishnets (I love those but gave them up too) having holes in them is not a fashion statement. It looks tacky. If you are trying to stay cool you may want to ditch them. Trust me, you will look a lot classier.

Rule #3 Can we say pedicure

Personally, I continue my pedicure regimen even in the winter months. Best believe that no man wants to feel feet as rough as the hair on his legs. If I can’t get to my technician, Martha at Sufu Nails I have all of the tools in my shower. You will never catch me like the chick in the episode of Martin where Sheneneh had to get down to serious business. Please make sure that before you put on those sandals your feet look presentable.

Rule #4 Did you forget your bra

Ummm maybe you didn’t realize it but your boobs are not sitting straight up on your chest. They really do need some support. Nobody wants to see you flapping in the wind like a kite. Please put a bra on.

Rule #5 Do I see flubber I mean stomach

Unless you have a flat stomach just because it is warm does not give you license to be exposing all of that skin. I vomit inside of my mouth and almost on them every time I see someone exposing stomach that they shouldn’t be. If it hangs over your waste band that means that it should be covered.

Rule #6 Are your feet hungover

Girls in to small shoes look stupid. Your heels should not be running over the back of your shoes. Your toes should all fit under the straps. If they don’t that means that they don’t fit. Please let them go. Give them away. Burry them in the backyard. But please DO NOT ever wear them again.

I’m sure that there are more rules out there but so far the violations that I have seen so far fall under the six that I have given. What fashion crimes have you seen that need reporting?

Thought of the day: “Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress.” ~Coco Chanel


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MenuSkip to contentHomePost navigation← Do you need Plan B…Giving is good for your health: The “Help Robinson” Cause

Rob's fundraiserNow if you are following me, then you know that I ENJOY community service. When I accepted an award back in January, a part of my acceptance speech was, “To whom much is given, much is required.” I live my life in service… Read more at Maliyka is health,

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The conundrum of believing

imagesCARNY5AY  I am convinced with a doubt that the most religious often times tend to be the most wickedest. I am also amazed at the amount of people who sit around and try to debunk the theory of religion. Here is the thing, I sin. I am a sinner. I have sinned. I try to live my life and say on the straight path but sometimes, I slip, stumble, flat out fall. Yet I get back up, dust myself off and try again. I can only be me… no one else.

I love my blackness but the reality whether anyone wants to accept it or not is that being black will not get me into heaven. God will not stand around saying, “Oh you are fist pumping in the air black enough!” Nope…rather He will be looking at my integrity. What did I do while I was on this earth? How did I do it? Everyone is entitled to their opinion but real talk, I am  going to say what no one else probably will. You are foolish if you don’t believe that a higher power greater than any science does not exist. I am sure that nothing I can do will convinve you otherwise but I can promise that you will learn and the learning will come at a price. God is not menat to be understood. he is God and greater than us. Rather do as He commands and move on. Your life and sanity will be that much better for it.

To the people who stand on their soapbox and speak of religious talks like it is a full-time job…be quiet. Hypocrisy is a serious sin. And it makes you look stupid. Do as I say but not as I do is the most asinine way of living. It makes no sense. Stop looking down on everyone. As a matter of fact, focus on your own dirty laundry. Did you sin today? Have youe sinned in the past? Will you sin tomorrow? Unless you are perfect, chances are you should be speaking to yourself when you are quoting Bible/Torah/Qur’an verses. Do you even interalize what you are saying or are you just talking because your lips can move?

Wors of wisdom: Passing judgement, you n*ggas second-guessing Beans Cause you don’t eat swine make you Mu’min Dog you know a couple of suras, out of the Que’an I guess you all on your din and I ain’t on mineStop that Akki.” ~Beanie Siegel “This can’t be life”



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My Alter Ego…

So yeah, I have an alter ego. I mean doesn’t everyone. Not to worry. There is nothing crazy about my alter ego. She doesn’t drop down from the ceiling or swing on poles.  And no she’s not a bankrobber althhough she would love to have more money to save the world shop. Actually, she is really a decent person. She has a degree more like 2 and working on a 3rd. She is gainfully employed but looking for a new job. All in all she is a wonderful person if I do say so myself.  Her name is Maliyka. You should check her out at where she chats it up about health related issues.

If my alter ego  is not your cup of tea, feel free to stick around here. This version of me, is bound to be quite exciting. I have been going through a lot of things these past few months and started writing poetry again. Up until a few months ago, I hadn’t written a lick of poetry. I have even wrote a few songs. The last time I wrote a song my age had teenager in it. Either way, stick around. The new and improved me or so I’d like to think is bound to make you laugh, cry, shake a tail feather you get the point.

Until then…Be well



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Terms Defined


“What’s the difference between a wifey, a one nitey, and a cut buddy?”

That was the question that I received via text  this past Saturday morning at 10:46 a.m. The first thought that ran through my mind was, WTF kind of question is this, this early in the morning. After I read the question a second time, I realized that since I was walking the streets I do that sometimes too bad it has yet to bring in extra cash I could not give a dedicated answer at the moment truth be told as I am writing about the question I still haven’t answered the question. Now to the up on game chick, the definition of each of these roles should be obvious. As a matter of fact, you may have played the position of at least two I plead the 5th for reasons that I may incriminate myself. I would be mean and say that the person who asked me, clearly is not an up on game chick but to be fair she did admit that she had her own opinion No clue why the hayle she is asking me for then.and was waiting for me to share my opinion before we began to dialogue. Regardless, of whether the person who of this question knows the difference or not, the fact that she even asked if reason enough for me to discuss it. So here it goes. My take on the most common roles of American women.

Wifey: This is not to be confused with wife. I don’t give a damn that the first four letters spell “wife.” Wifey, is some one that a man could see himself being with. By being with, I mean committed. Point blank, you are his main girl but rest assured you may not be his only girl.

Cut buddy: My girls and I refer to this as a recyclable. Some of you may know it as the F*ck buddy.  This is old reliable. Truth be told as long as you are willing to spread it wide he will be there.

One Nitey: I mean really, this should be self-explanatory. If a dude labels you as such know that he never expected to hear from you and you are jeopardizing his relationship with the wifey. You was supposed to a smash and go never to be seen again. I suggest that you lose his number because this will not end well for you if you pursue it.

If you are cool with being any one of these, there is nothing wrong with it. There is a time for everything. It is possible for you to start as a one nitey and move all the way up. It’s pretty hard to do 95% accuracy and more than likely you will fail die trying. If none of these roles are for you, I suggest that you be up front. Say what you mean and mean what you say of as my grandma would say, “Straight talking fi straight understanding.” If they are really into you, he will make it happen or create a damn good lie. Either way, if you like it than pumpkin I love it.



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Message to the hated

It took me a long time  to write this particular post because, I had to think about whether I wanted to touch on the issue. There may be some who feel I am taking shots but trust me i am not. Whoever you may be, know that you don’t revolve in my world although, I may revolve in yours.

Over the past few months, I have constantly heard the phrase pour out of folks mouths like water does a faucet…”They are hating on me.” Each time, I have had to look at them, scratch my head and end up confused as to what they have that is being hated on. More often than not the one spitting that phrase like the next rap lyric is referring to a male friend, boyfriend, significant other, fiance, dare I say her husband. I promise you, 99.9% of the time the person whom they are referencing isn’t worth ish and truth be told that one would think so, leaves their state of their mental capacity in question.

While, I have heard this word tossed around for different scenarios there is one scenario that it is used for more frequently than others. That’s right…RELATIONSHIPS. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard a chick tell someone that  they are just hating because, they don’t have a man. Now if you are like me, the statement in itself makes you laugh. you laugh even harder when you see their man. Dime piece he is not.

Sometime ago, while having a conversation with someone they mentioned that they had not disclosed some information because they had a lot of haters. Now I can’t affirm or deny just who is hating on them. Rest assured it wasn’t me. Rather then get into it with said person, I shared that sometimes what we think is hate is actually concern. For the  pessimist who is wondering just how the two can be related, it’s really not hard. When it comes to men or women for that matter, the “hating” comments start coming full force when the person in question just isn’t it. More often than not, they are more headache and heartbreak than goodness. Their history is so entangled that it will still look tangled when unraveled. Simply put, they ain’t SH*T. More than likely they will never be SH*T.

History always has a way of repeating itself. Of course you (the one being hated on) fail to see that your alleged hated piece is a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel. You have gotten caught up in the fairy tale that whatever glitters is gold. You have hyped yourself up to believe that you have super powers and can turn a hoe into a housewife or teach a dog new and improved tricks. You set your heart to believe that you loving them will make everything alright. Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. There is no magical incantation that can do any of that. Abracadabra won’t work in this instance. Unless said person is willing to change they won’t be changing and in the end, you will be holding the shorter end of the stick. Hating should be the least of your worries. You may want to pay attention to whether you are acting out of desperation. Is being in a relationship that important to you that you would ignore obvious signs. Are you deluding yourself into thinking that your tarnished silver is really glittering gold?  Ask yourself these questions before you convince yourself that someone is hating on you. If your answer is “NO” chances are it’s not hate one is feeling towards you rather pity. To them the writing on the wall is quite clear. Your dime piece is really a shiny penny.

For those of you who really do hate and none of the above applies, know that envy is one of  the  7 deadly sins . Hating on folks for trivial matters is so unproductive.  Marion Anderson said it best, “You lose a lot of time hating people” and as they say, time is money and I need more.


On that note….






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