For those of you who do not know, my alter ego is Muslim. Yeah I admit, I am not the best Muslim but who really is the best person. I pray every day asking God to keep me on the straight path and hope that he forgives my sins and grants me paradise. Bottom line…I too sin. Anyway, this is not confession
not that Muslims do that and I am not going to bore you with my sinning saga. I read an interesting article this morning and realized that I just had to blog about it.
Because I am a sophisticated woman
boogie, I read my dose of NY Times via my mobile phone. An article titled “Some Muslims Use Speed Dating to Spur Marriage – NYTimes.com” caught my eye. Before I go into the quandary that I have with this article and the difficulties that I find myself in let me divulge a true story. On April 25, 2005, I was heading back to NYC after having just buried my grandmother from upstate NY. Having my hair covered, it was obvious that I was Muslim. Go figure, I should have been incognito. As luck would have it being sarcastic , a fellow bus mate was also Muslim. Even luckier was I that he was a male. I guess you are wondering why I do not sound too happy. It is quite simple…he was jailbait. I mean he had literally just gotten out of jail. I mean literally, as if they gave him bus money to go back to his hood. Only knowing my first name and the fact that I was Muslim in his mind I was a prime candidate to make his wife and was all set to speak with my brother regarding my hand in marriage. Let me just say that clearly it was a no bueno moment and I quickly proceeded to get on the phone and ignore him the remainder of the ride. There was no way that I was marrying him.
This is what I am faced with on a daily basis when I encounter some Muslim men. Sometimes, I look like a regular person
hair not covered you would be amazed at the propositions that I get and when I tell them I am Muslim boy do I get another story. All of a sudden, I am the Delilah and going straight to hell. Nevertheless, I digress. For those of you who do not know in all technicalities Muslim women are supposed to marry Muslim men. If you ask me why, all I can say is because God said so. You may have your own opinion and that is fine. Frankly, it is what it is. The only question is how a Muslim woman handles getting married with these odds. If I am honest with myself, I have come to accept that one of two things will be happening. Either I will not be getting married or my husband will not be Muslim.
Tough words to say from someone who is a part of one of the fastest growing religions
way of life but facts are facts. Maybe deep down, I do not want to marry a Muslim man. However, I do not think that is the reason for my reluctance. It is more like the fact that I have unfortunately seen better characters men who happen to be non-Muslim. Do not get me wrong. I have come face to face with face to face with definitely some very positive Muslim brothers. The problem is that they either are to old or married already I don’t share men and therefore ineligible. The ones who do not fall into this character that have I encountered me are just lame and a bit overzealous. I am all for being spiritual but seriously, when you are over zealousness may threaten my freedom I will have to pass. They either know too little about the faith or think they know everything and are as clueless as an infant is at birth. Sorry to say but many of the African-American ones live for the moment and their get rich schemes. Sorry buddy but unless you are related to Channel selling incense will not make you rich and I am not corner hopping with you. Let’s not even speak on the fact that some of them hear that it is lawful to have more than one wife and decide to run with it puffing their chest out as if the amount of women they can marry attributes to their manhood. Sorry but it does not.
So coming full circle, why do I have issues with this article? Pure and simple, it is madness. The whole purpose of speed dating is spontaneity and a little bit of fun. You are not looking for a marriage proposal rather you are looking for an opportunity to get to know someone and maybe that will turn into a proposal. Let us be honest, the individuals in this article are beyond thirsty. They are willing to marry their daughter off for the sake of marrying her off and are content in the fact that they are Muslim and working. Yes, some of them questioned whether the potential mate would allow their daughter/sister the freedom of their career but let us be real, they really could care less. After all their goal is to see, their daughter married preferably to some with the same culture as them. Truthfully, it has more to do with the cultural aspect than the religious aspect. They can say otherwise but it is quite clear to me.
After hearing, a childhood friend’s experience with a similar set-up there is not a snowball chance of me ever going to an event such as this where Muslims are proclaiming to have a different route to finding a mate. I will definitely pass on this opportunity. If that is the only way that I will find me a Muslim husband roll out the red carpet and accept that I won’t be marrying a Muslim man. Like I said chances are, I will not anyway and I am cool with that
kanye shrug to those who are not. While my mother never fails to remind me of my obligation, the bottom line is that I do want to get married one day. I understand the concept of sins and sinning but as a Muslim there is only one classified sin that is not forgiven and that is not it. Nor do I agree with the ideology that if he loves you he will become Muslim. Being responsible for my own actions is tough enough. I do not want someone to love me that much that they go against what they may believe in. Quite honestly, I would be insulted and was insulted when it happened in the past. My goal for a husband is quite simple, you must be spiritual, you must respect my spirituality, you must be gainfully employed no corner hopping of any sort, you must be respectful, you must at least have a high school diploma intelligence is not measured by a college degree, you must want children and agree that our children will be raised as Muslim don’t worry I fight against being hypocritical so if I’m not doing it they won’t either but they will understand that they should be doing it, and last but not least we must be in love. Everything else can be worked out as we go along. Muslim or not if you do not meet this criteria you can kick rocks. It is all about your heart and unfortunately being Muslim does not make you pure in heart so why limit myself.
On that note HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY! Here is to the lover in you!