Feeling froggy: Partner vs. Family Boundaries

This past Sunday, while driving with one of my Sorors to celebrate our illustrious Founders Day some how the conversation being had led to a discussion as it relates to marriage and in-laws. My question to her was, do churches who offer pre-marital counseling speak about boundaries? I’m sure you are scratching your head and saying boundaries…WTH is she talking about. So you won’t rub your head to hard in your quest to figure out what I am speaking about let me clarify. During premarital counseling is a discussion had as it relates to the boundaries that one should not cross with their in-laws and vice versa? My beloved Soror’s reply was, “I’m not sure but they should.”

She is absolutely right. They should. This doesn’t just go for the Christian faith. This goes for all faiths. Premarital counseling should be mandatory for one and in addition to all the other topics that are discussed, they should also discuss this one. If it were discussed before marriage, I am sure that a lot of foolishness that occurs during the marriage could be avoided if individuals know their place.

Simply put, folks need to be taught how to stay in their lane. I have witnessed what can happen when folks do unauthorized lane changes. It’s a mess, One huge pileup that ends up with a lot of casualties. So how do you stay in your lane. It’s actually quite simple. It does involve some delegation. Point in case, back in college I was in a relationship. I don’t know if it was because we were of different faiths ironically one of the culprits shared my faith  but at times both h is mother and his sister could get a bit funky. Being one to speak my mind and screw peace I actually kept my mouth shut when they started flapping their lips inappropriately at me. You best believe though that my boyfriend would feel my wrath. His response was always how come I don’t check them. Now the hood girl in me agrees with this directive but the respectful one in me always kept my mouth closed. As I tried to explain to him, key word tried in reality it is his responsibility to keep his family in their respective lanes just as it was mine to do for my family. It never happened but that is definitely an ideology that I hold firm in.

When you become involved in a relationship, it is your responsibility to make sure that your family doesn’t disrespect your partner and also that your partner doesn’t disrespect your family. I have seen situations where the partner has run off at the mouth and then can’t understand why said family is two seconds away from tearing up that ass. Or for that matter situations where the family gives the partner a disrespectful license encouraging that the partner flap her lips like a bird also setting her up for the tail whipping of a century.

Regardless of who is in the wrong it is up to that individual to contain any foolishness that may occur. If the family is in the wrong don’t be afraid to check them and if the partner is wrong the same thing goes. When the boundaries are respected less of a problem exist and quite frankly there is a better chance of harmony. While you can’t control anyone, if they are going to be disrespectful you now have a reason why you can’t deal with them.

Next time your partner feels froggy enough to leap at your family make sure your there to catch them and put them back in their cage. You never know, you may just be saving their life. Next time your family decides to leap at your partner let them know blood in blood out they can get it too.

QOTD: Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing.




About Divine*Pearlz

As one of my good friends, Carrie Pink (from www.carriepink.com) says, I am a modern day superwoman. In the midst of me being a superwoman I am really down to earth once you get to know me. I love life and try to always live it to the fullest. I love God and try to always honor Him. I am service oriented after all I am a Finer Woman. I love health and have made it my mission in life to pursue degrees that will put me in a position to fight for better health policies for my people. All in all, I'm just me. You can take it or leave it!
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