A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to be on the receiving end of a black man’s rant regarding the black woman. While it sounded a little theatrical to me it brought forth a great discussion with my mother. Now if you think that I am an outspoken individual you should meet my mother. Quite frankly, I am her child. My mother was having a candid discussion with my favorite masseuse *Hi Rosa* about the state of black man in Binghamton, NY. In my mother’s opinion, a good majority of the black men in that area were no good for nothing individuals. She lamented about how lazy some of them were and to make matters worse treasured by white women as if they were jewels of the Nile. To her amusement, these white women walk around like that they have the best of both worlds yet any respectable black woman wouldn’t want what they are deeming precious stones. Out comes the black man and his belligerent rants
Heavy on the theatrics, this black man adamantly blamed the state of black men on black women. It was his opinion that black men are underestimated, underappreciated, disrespected, etc. by black women. He further went on to say that the state of the black man is a direct result of the lack of support from black women. Well slap me silly and call me Becky. To say that I was amazed at the unmitigated gall of this man is an understatement. His comments disturbed me so much that I decided to engage him in conversation. My question was simple… Why do you feel this way?
This poor misguided man started dredging up an experience that in my opinion did not warrant his blatant display of waterworks. He simply said that a woman frowned up her nose at him and his well-dressed friends. *sidebar: I honestly thought he was gay* Being educated, we all know that is not a real reason to be spouting such venomous talk as he was however; I realized that while I could lead a horse to water I could not make them drink. Realizing that it would turn into a pointless conversation I decided to cease talking to men and fools.
While I can only speak for myself I believe that a lot of my girlfriends can concur when I say that a lot of black women are all for uplifting the black male. Here’s the thing though….you have to want to be uplifted. While I believe that a woman should cater to her man’s ego there has to be a point where he is catering to his own ego. How can I make him happy if he’s not happy with himself? I find it hard to believe that this sister was frowning her noise up as well put together BMW (Black Males Working). I am more inclined to believe that it is something else or for that matter nothing at all. It could simply be that these Black males have a self-image problem and rather than seeking help they choose to blame their problems on other members of society. Or if these Black males looked anything like my ranter she could have assumed like I did that they were gay and untouchable.
Contrary to the rant, I know for a fact that the majority of Black women want a well-put together brother. If you ask me, I’d take a brother in a suit that fits appropriately, tie and polished shoes any day of the week. To put it like one of my Facebook friends did, it’s like male lingerie. I wanted the educated brother who can speak in proper sentences, who knows his salad fork from his dinner fork, etc. Now most people would assume that this man has to be college educated. I say, that is not exactly so. Being college educated does not make you intellectual. It just means that you were able to finish something. I’m sure we all know someone who has a college degree from a 4-year institution (lets be specific here) and is not smarter than a 5th grader. While there are some women who are that pretentious there is tons of other who are not.
For my ranter, my only suggestion is be true thy own self. Are you what you claim to be? If you are then maybe you are looking in the wrong place. If you really are all that you say you are there is some woman out there waiting to snap you up sans the chip on your shoulder. Lamenting about the woes of the Black male won’t get you very far. All it does it make you sound like a complainer and that will get you the frown with the quickness. Put your life into perspective. Maybe you will see a different perspective.