Am I the only one who thinks that nowadays, just about every magazine, TV and radio sound bite are targeting relationships? It is such a prevalent topic that just about every Essence magazine has an article related to some relationship issue. In fact, Essence may have more than one article. Steve Harvey felt it prudent to put out a second book. Go figure, there is not a TV show that has not discussed some relationship issues at least once this calendar year. Everyone has a theory and to be quite honest they all make me dizzy. To make it worse, even if you do not follow up on the latest relationship news there is always some girlfriend who wants to tell you the latest buzz particularly when you are single. The irony is that she is just as single as you and no closer to having a boyfriend than you are. Call me crazy but shouldn’t you only promote a relationship fixer upper only if you can just about guarantee results or in this case a relationship. I mean seriously, how do you recommend something when you have never tried it?
Recently, I was lamenting to one of my male friends that it seems like some folks are worried about my relationship or lack thereof (as facebook states…it’s complicated) and they have less of a relationship prospect than I. As this male friend explained to me, I am now at an age where the whole world is concerned about my relationship status. Riddle me this…WHY? I totally get the concern if I was crying buckets on a daily basis and the tears happen to be falling on their shoulder but I am not. I could understand if they knew that the person was physically abusive or for that matter mentally abusive but last I check no one has ever abused me. Truth be told, I am quite happy with where I am as complicated as I am. Relationships take work and frankly most days I am not fully up to the amount of work that it takes. Honestly, I have to wonder why these “concerned” individuals are living vicariously through because of their inability to have their own relationship. I know it sounds harsh but what else could it be?
The fact of the matter is that all of these relationship articles and TV/radio sound bites are all subjective. As adults, we should know that there is never a one size fits all solution. We are all individuals and what works for you may not work for me. Furthermore, so much emphasis is always put on the man and what he is going to do. What happened to the woman’s role? Is it fair for someone to expect a man to outline his plans when you haven’t outlined them to yourself? As emotionless as men may want to appear they do possess emotions and share most if not all of the same fears that we women do including rejection. It’s one thing to make it clear to “him” that you wouldn’t mind building something with him but if you act like your comfortable with “benefits” relationship chances are he will thing that is what he’s worth to you and not make any moves to solidify an actual relationship. Now there is always the chance that he sees you as a “benefits” relationship as well, regardless of what you put out there. Unless you speak up you will never know. As the saying goes, “A closed mouth won’t get fed” or in this case you will not ever develop a relationship.
I say all of this to say, if you are relying on a magazine to develop a relationship…good luck with that. If you think that Steve, Hill and any other relationship expert will guarantee a relationship again good luck with that. Tyra, the view or even Oprah for that matter cannot help you. My suggestion to you is to take it one day at a time and try different method. My other suggestion is until that method you are swearing by actually gets you that great relationship please do not recommend it to me. I like proven results and if you are single, you have not proven a damn thing.